One of the best things about sex is that you can totally switch your brain off and forget the world for however long you’re doing it for. The only thing you have to think about is your and your partner’s pleasure – what could be better than that?!
Except, we know that’s not the reality for a lot of people – or, at least, during a lot of sexual encounters. Maybe you’re distracted by work or whatever else is stressing you out, and you just can’t get out of your head and into the moment. Or maybe you’re really enjoying the sex, but you’re anxious about your parents, housemates, or kids walking in on you.
So while we like to think sex is a total mental escape, a lot of the time it isn’t. And when it happens, it can feel like it’s just you.
To show that it’s far more common than you think – and to give you a better sense of what’s actually going through your partner’s mind – we’ve rounded up some of the most honest responses from r/AskWomen to the question: what do women really think about during sex?
23 Women on What They’re Really Thinking About During Sex
- “I don’t really think about anything. I experience feelings, sensations, desires, pleasure, love, my partner, giving and receiving pleasure, holding, touching, and intimacy. If I was actively thinking, then generally I would not be having a good time and would rather not participate.” [via]
- “Either I come up with a story in my head so I can finish or I’m stuck thinking about the noise, the dishes, how to be successful, etc. My brain never stops.” [via]
- “I constantly worry if my husband is enjoying himself or not.” [via]
- “I have been diagnosed with ADHD and am currently unmedicated. So I think about three different songs stuck in my head, what I want to do during the weekend, thinking about things I want to draw or games I want to play, interactions I had at work and if I seemed normal and human enough [...] How handsome my husband is and how kisses taste so good. How pretty his hair is. Just a tumble of nonsense.” [via]
- “How well my bed sheets match my wall colours and curtains.” [via]
- “I fantasise about people watching me.” [via]
- “I guess it depends on how into I am at that moment. If I’m into it, I’m intermittently thinking about my next move. Also thinking, ‘The baby better not wake up’. If I’m not so into it, ‘Hurry up’.” [via]
- “How I look TBH. I’m super self conscious.” [via]
- “Sometimes I stop to wonder what my husband is thinking about when he throws his head back in the air and closes his eyes.” [via]
- “How much I love sex.” [via]
- “Occasionally I get thoughts of Catholic guilt about the amount of pre-marital sex I’m having.” [via]
- “When I’m going to have sex again. [via]
- “Should I say something dirty? Will it be awkward if I say it? Is he enjoying this? When will he come?” [via]
- “I need to imagine that we are in a more exciting situation, so I usually think that I am somewhere else doing almost the same thing with the same or another person (it can be a fictional person, an actor, or a crush). I mostly use the real experience to fuel the imagination.” [via]
- “It depends on what’s happening. It could be anything from, ‘Ow that kinda hurts’ to, ‘My hair is really annoying me’ to, ‘Fuck that feels amazing I’m definitely about to cum’.” [via]
- “How much I love my boyfriend and how much I fancy the pants off him still.” [via]
- “Nothing — I’m super anxious 90% of the time, so that’s the wonderful thing about sex, my mind can go blank and calm, just enjoying and being in the moment where the only thing I get to focus on is the act.” [via]
- “I have synesthesia, so I’m seeing all kinds of weird unrelated stuff. I read an article on sex synesthesia once and one girl reported seeing a dopey dog running into a wall during one sexual experience. I really resonated with that.” [via]
- “Is this gonna trigger bleeding and/or cramps later?” [via]
- “Wishing I could swap places with my hubby just for a second so I could have the honor of experiencing me.” [via]
- “The dirtiest raunchiest scenarios.” [via]
- “I think of porn moves so I come fast.” [via]
- “If you find it difficult to turn your brain/thoughts off, as I sometimes do, you could direct your thoughts to almost narrate the sensations and what is happening. Sometimes I find it easier to stay in the moment by mentally verbalising what is happening and how good it feels.” [via]
