11 min readNOT-SO-SEXY stat: While 95 percent of heterosexual men usually or always orgasm during sex, only 65 percent of their female partners can say the same, according to a 2017 study. ICYDK, this is called the “orgasm gap,” and it’s been plaguing straight sex since the beginning of time. (And yes, this is a uniquely heterosexual problem—that same study found that both lesbian and bisexual women orgasm more frequently than their straight counterparts.)
So, what can the average straight guy do to bridge that gap? You might think there’s a sex position that will unlock instant orgasms for your female partner (that’s why you here after all), but the truth is: It’s less about the position you choose and more about the overall sexual experience, says Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT, sex therapist and author of She Comes First.
“Young men think of sex primarily [in terms of] physical behaviors, but there have been studies that show women can fantasize their way to orgasm without touching themselves at all,” he says. “So that's the power of psychological stimuli.”
But what does that mean for you? Basically, focus less on doing a specific position that is “guaranteed” to make your partner orgasm (an impossible claim, BTW), and focus more on making her feel physically and psychologically aroused.
How to Make Your Female Partner Orgasm 101
“ORGASM EMERGES FROM arousal,” says Kerner, “and most women complain that men are usually ahead of them in the arousal process.” For men, arousal often occurs the second anything remotely sexy happens (“Hello, I’m hard!”), while female arousal builds up throughout a sexual experience. In fact, it takes women about twice as long as men to climax during penetrative sex, per a 2020 study.
This is why “you should not construct an entire sexual event around intercourse,” says Kerner. “You need to make sure that you're having a blend of both outercourse and intercourse.” Also known as foreplay, outercourse typically focuses on clitoral stimulation (via fingering, oral sex, or using a toy), which 37 percent of people with vulvas need to orgasm, a 2018 study found. On the flip side, fewer than one in five vulva-owners are able to orgasm from penetration alone, according to the Mayo Clinic. So while G-spot stimulation is certainly enjoyable during penetrative sex, it is not the one-way ticket to O-town that many men believe it to be.
To increase your chances of helping your partner orgasm—regardless of sex position—Kerner recommends treating sex like a three-act play: Act one can be all about undressing and above-the-waist action, act two focuses on outercourse, and then finally, act three begins with the transition into intercourse.
With this approach, your partner may orgasm towards the end of act two, and that's great! They can still experience plenty of pleasure during act three, and for many people, overall enjoyment of a sexual experience is just as important as achieving orgasm. (And, this should go without saying, but just because one person orgasms doesn't automatically mean sex is “over.” While men often think of orgasm as the main goal of sex, and there's no reason to continue once that goal is accomplished, that's not true. Remember that the next time you come before your partner does!)
The Difference Between Good Sex and Great Sex
WHEN SEX IS good, you and your partner might have fun, orgasm, and high five when it's over, but you don't necessarily feel connected on a deeper level. “Great sex is a process of getting into a flow state together,” says Kerner. “It’s about turning off your brains and tuning into each other's bodies.”
That doesn’t mean you stop communicating and start assuming what your partner wants. Instead, pay close attention to your partner’s verbal and physical signs of arousal (moans, sexy phrases, natural lubrication), and continue to do whatever’s working. That’s the best way to communicate during sex, Kerner says, as it allows a “sexual language to emerge out of the physical sensations.” Basically, you’re learning what your partner’s body responds to, whether it’s noticing that they love a certain fingering technique or sex position.
At the same time, “there's nothing wrong with getting constructive feedback,” says Kerner, especially if you’re trying something new. Sexual partners should feel equally comfortable saying “This feels amazing” or “That hurts a little bit, let’s try something else.” Over time, this is how you “become sexually attuned to each other's bodies,” he adds.
12 Best Sex Positions to Help Your Partner Orgasm
WITH ALL THIS in mind, “when it is time for intercourse, and if you're thinking of intercourse as the event that's going to lead to orgasm in terms of female pleasure, it's worth considering different positions that provide different kinds of stimulation,” says Kerner. We've rounded up 12 expert-approved options to help you and your partner have an O-mazing sexperience.
At Men’s Health, we aim to describe sexual experiences as inclusively as possible. While the positions on this list have traditionally been associated with penis-in-vagina sex, they can be adapted by couples of all genders and sexual orientations and identities. We encourage readers to modify any position to suit their bodies, preferences, and needs. To avoid making assumptions about gender or anatomy, we use non-gendered language throughout this article. The “giving partner” or “giver” refers to the partner doing the penetrating, whether with a penis, a strap-on, or even fingers. The “receiving partner” or “receiver” refers to the partner being penetrated vaginally.
1. Cowgirl
How to: The giving partner lies down on their back while the receiving partner straddles their hips. Then, the receiver lowers themselves down on to the giver's penis (or strap-on), guiding the speed and depth of penetration.
Benefits: This is “the position that's most likely to lead to orgasm because a woman is really in control of the clitoral stimulation, pressure, and friction,” says Kerner. “It’s a great position for a woman to get the angle just right in terms of how her clitoris is going to press into the base of a guy's pelvis.” Not to mention, it’s hot AF for the giving partner, too—especially if they're a dude. “Men love to get an eyeful and to feel like a woman is really in control and passionate,” he adds.
Hot tip: For extra orgasm-inducing stimulation, either partner can hold a small vibrator on the receiver's clit. Our pick? Lelo's compact and ergonomic Lily 3.
2. Pretzel
How to: The giver kneels and straddles the receiver’s left leg while they're lying on their left side. The receiver then bends their right leg around the right side of the giver’s waist, which will provide access to their vagina. For many people with vulvas, rear entry hurts their backs. This sex position allows them to lounge comfortably while enjoying deep penetration.
Benefits: “With your partner on their side, the girth of your penis will be hitting and emphasizing their g-spot in unique ways, while also allowing you to maintain a clitoral connection, which is often sacrificed in positions that emphasize G-spot stimulation,” says Kerner.
Hot tip: Spend some time exploring their body. This setup gives you complete access to their clitoris for manual stimulation. But don’t feel limited to solely hands-on fun. Try withdrawing your penis and, while holding the shaft with your left hand, rub the head against their clitoris. Start out soft and slow, then as you increase speed and pressure, reinsert once you’ve brought them to the brink of an orgasm.
3. Spooning
How to: Both partners lie on their sides facing the same direction, with the giver in back. The receiver bends their knees and pushes their rear back toward the giver, who enters them from behind. Adjusting the lean of your bodies will vary the angle of entry and help with rocking and thrusting.
Benefits: Any from-behind sex position allows for G-spot stimulation, says Kerner, which many women enjoy because it's another way to stimulate the internal parts of the clitoris. “The G-spot is responding mainly to a sense of pressure and friction,” he explains, so establishing a consistent thrusting rhythm will build up the kind of feel-good friction that leads to orgasm.
Hot tip: From here, the giving partner can reach around and play with the receiving partner's breasts. Either partner can also stimulate the receiver's clitoris manually or with a toy.
4. G-Whiz
How to: The receiving partner lies on their back. The giver kneels between the receiver’s legs and raises them, resting the receiver’s calves onto the giver’s shoulders. The giver should rock in a side-to-side and up-and-down motion to bring the head and shaft of their penis or dildo in direct contact with the front wall of the receiver’s vagina (where the G-spot is). Because this angle allows for deep penetration, thrust slowly at first to avoid causing discomfort.
Benefits: G-Whiz is similar to missionary, which “is not a position that's most likely to result in a female orgasm,” says Kerner, even though it remains a popular choice “because of the connection, the closeness, and the eye contact that it affords.” But lifting up the receiver's legs changes everything—this small tweak allows for “for both clitoral and cervical stimulation,” he explains, helping them climax.
Hot tip: To increase clitoral stimulation (and chances of female orgasm), either partner can reach down and rub the receiver's clit or hold a small vibrator between their bodies. That extra sensation can intensify the giver's orgasm, too!
5. Standing Dragon
How to: The giver stands and enters the receiver from behind as they pose on all fours on the edge of the bed and arch their back to lift their buttocks.
Benefits: “Doggy style is a great position to naturally stimulate the G-spot,” says Kerner, and this standing variation allows partners to try a new way to experience that stimulation. Because the giving partner is standing behind the receiving partner, they can use their thighs to squeeze the receiver's knees together, which tightens their vagina around the penis. This “will provide pleasurable friction against your penis and stimulation of the vestibular bulbs that are part of the clitoris and press against the vagina at the entrance,” he explains.
6. Flatiron
How to: The receiver lies facedown on the bed with their knees slightly bent and hips slightly raised. For comfort, and to increase the angle of their hips, they can place a pillow under their lower abs. The giver enters them from behind and keeps their weight off the receiver’s body with their arms. This position creates a snug fit, making the giver’s shaft feel larger to their partner.
Benefits: “This is a great position for increasing your friction, achieving full penetration, while also stimulating their G-spot,” Kerner says. Plus, it also allows the receiving partner to get clitoral stimulation via friction against the bed, adds Lori Beth Bisbey, an advanced GSRD (gender, sex, relationship diversity) therapist, sex and intimacy coach, and host of The A to Z of Sex podcast.
Hot tip: You’ll last longer in this position if you switch to shallower thrusts and deeper breaths.
7. Thighmaster
How to: The giver lies on their back and bends one of their legs, keeping the other outstretched. The receiving partner straddles the raised leg with a thigh on either side and lowers themselves onto the giver’s member so that their back is facing the giver. They should hold the giver’s knee and use it for support as they rock up and down.
Benefits: “This position is great because it's a lot like the reverse cowgirl, but with a twist,” says Jen Landa, MD, chief medical officer of BodyLogicMD and author of The Sex Drive Solution for Women. Showing that you care about their pleasure is itself a turn-on. Raising your knee allows them to rub against your thigh—which produces optimal clitoral stimulation, she adds.
8. The Amazon
How to: The giving partner lies on their back, with their knees bent and feet elevated. From here, the receiving partner squats on top, with one leg in between the giver's thighs and the other resting on the outside of their hips. Then, the receiver "rides" the giver, while holding onto their legs for support.
Benefits: This is another cowgirl variation that's ideal for female orgasm, says Chicago-based sex and relationship coach Nicole Schafer, LPC, because the receiving partner has full control over the pace and depth of penetration, as well as clitoral stimulation.
Hot tip: The giver partner shouldn't just lie there and let the receiving partner do all the work! They can make this position even more orgasmic by stimulating their partner's clit with their hands or a small toy.
9. The Lazy Man
How to: The giver places pillows behind their back and sits on the bed with legs outstretched. The receiving partner straddles the giver’s waist with their feet on the bed. They then bend their knees to lower themselves onto the giver, using one hand to direct the shaft in. Just by pressing on the balls of their feet and releasing, they can raise and lower themselves on the giver’s penis or dildo as slowly or quickly as they please.
Benefits: Any woman-on-top position is incredible for female orgasm, says Kerner, because they're in control of the clitoral stimulation, pressure, and friction.
Hot tip: If the receiving partner leans back, they’ll get additional G-spot stimulation, says Schafer.
10. Reverse Cowgirl
How to: The giving partner lies on their back with their legs outstretched. The receiving partner then straddles the giver’s hips, facing their feet. From a kneeling position, the receiver lowers down onto the giver’s shaft and begins riding.
Benefits: This position targets the G-spot like no other, says Bisbey. It also gives the receiver the opportunity to touch their own clitoris and breasts—and as an added bonus, it provides the giver with a pretty phenomenal view of their partner's backside, too.
Hot tip: The receiver can use a suction toy on their clit and nipples for additional stimulation that may even help them have a blended orgasm.
11. Face Off
How to: The giver sits on a chair or at the edge of a bed. The receiving partner straddles their lap, lowering down onto the penis or strap-on. Once they're comfortable, the receiver can ride up and down on the giver’s shaft by pressing with their legs or knees. Want to go faster? The giver can grab the receiving partner’s buttocks to assist with lifting and bouncing.
Benefits: In this position, the receiving partner can control the depth and speed of penetration as needed, says Suzannah Weiss, AMFT, a Los Angeles-based marriage and family therapist and sexologist. “It allows for a back-and-forth grinding motion, which a lot of women say is more pleasurable than the in-and-out motion.” Plus, it’s a little easier on their knees and quads than traditional cowgirl, so they can focus solely on getting off rather than straining to hold themselves up.
Hot tip: Don’t be surprised if your partner can squirt in this position—or at the very least, achieve an intense G-spot orgasm.
12. Coital Alignment Technique (CAT)
How to: Coital alignment technique (CAT) looks a lot like missionary—with a slight adjustment. Instead of being chest to chest, the giver’s chest is near the receiver’s shoulders. Meanwhile, the receiving partner should bend their legs about 45 degrees to tilt their hips up. This causes the base of the giver’s shaft to maintain constant contact with the receiving partner’s clitoris.
Benefits: This position is perfect for anyone who can’t finish from penetration alone, says Weiss. Instead of the traditional in-and-out thrusting, CAT allows for a unique rocking motion that allows the giving partner's pubic bone to grind against the receiving partner’s vulva, continually stimulating their clitoris. “It's a great position if you both prefer missionary, but you also want her to get lost in pleasure and have a great orgasm,” says Kerner.
Meet the Experts
- Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT, is a sex therapist and author of She Comes First and So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex.
- Lori Beth Bisbey, an advanced GSRD (gender, sex, relationship diversity) therapist, sex and intimacy coach, and host of The A to Z of Sex podcast.
- Jen Landa, MD, is the chief medical officer of BodyLogicMD, author of The Sex Drive Solution for Women, and a former gynecologist.
- Nicole Schafer, LPC, is a sex and relationship coach and licensed professional counselor in Chicago.
- Suzannah Weiss, AMFT, is a marriage and family therapist and sexologist in Los Angeles.
Lindsay Geller is the Lifestyle Director at Women’s Health, where she oversees the Life, Sex & Love, and Relationships sections on WomensHealthMag.com and the Mind section of Women's Health magazine. When she's not writing or editing articles about the latest dating trends and pop culture phenomenons, she's usually watching reality TV or playing with her dog, Lucille (Go Fetch That) Ball.
Rebecca Strong is a Boston-based freelance writer and podcast host covering health and wellness, relationships, lifestyle, and travel. In addition to writing for Men's Health, she has also contributed to Business Insider, Health.com, Healthline, AskMen, Bustle, Well+Good, Clean Plates, StyleCaster, and Eat This Not That, among other outlets. Her work has been shared and promoted by Drew Barrymore, Arianna Huffington, Esther Perel, and Good Morning America. You can tune into her podcast Well-Bent on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, or follow along on Twitter and Instagram via @wellbentpod.
