Giving A Good Blowjob is Way Easier Than You Think With These 19 Fool-Proof Tips
Here's everything you need to know about giving a life-changing BJ.
SOMEONE ONCE SAID that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. We’d venture it might actually be through a spectacular blowjob. In fact, one in three penis owners say blowjobs are somewhat important in their sex lives, according to a 2021 survey, and 30 percent would opt for oral sex over intercourse if they could only have one or the other.
It’s not hard to understand why getting head is such a huge turn-on. From a purely biological standpoint, the penis has a dense network of nerve endings that, when stimulated orally, can unleash a plethora of pleasurable sensations, says Justin J. Lehmiller, PhD, research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and author ofTell Me What You Want. But it’s not just biology. Oral sex can also feel emotionally validating because you’re receiving focused attention from a partner, Lehmiller adds. They’re sucking, licking, trying different tongue tricks—all with the sole purpose of pleasuring your member—while you sit back, relax, and watch (which, btw, can be arousing in and of itself).
That said, the best blowjobs aren’t just about technique. They’re about enthusiasm, attunement, and communication. People often worry about doing the “wrong moves” with oral sex, when the real problem is a desire mismatch, says Jon Prezant, LCSW, CST, a sex and couples therapist in New York. One partner loves giving or receiving oral, and the other is less than enthusiastic. That gap can create real tension. “When I ask men what they actually need to feel sexually free during oral,” he says, “they want to feel their partner’s genuine interest.” The other half is knowing what to do with your mouth, hands, and rhythm. Don’t worry, we’ve got all that covered.
How to Give a Good Blowjob
BEFORE WE GET into spit-flying specifics, it’s important to acknowledge that there’s more than one way to play the skin flute. Research has taught us that diversity is the norm when it comes to pleasure, Lehmiller says. As with basically all other sexual acts, what brings one person to the finish line might be a total turn-off for another. So yes, you can absolutely use tips (like the ones below) to boost your blowjob technique, it’s less about memorizing moves and more about responsiveness and communication. And on that knob-sucking note…
1. Use your mouth (not that way).
Many common blowjob mistakes stem from poor communication, says Matthew Phillips, PhD, LCSW, a sex therapist in Stamford, Connecticut. If your partner doesn’t know what you like, they can’t deliver it.
Talking about oral sex doesn’t have to—and shouldn’t tbh—sound like an awkward script from after-school special. Instead, it might take the form of dirty talk. This can also heighten arousal by making your partner feel wanted, building anticipation, and adding novelty, Lehmiller says.
Sure, your mouth is a little occupied during a BJ, but consider this permission to take a little break now and then. Quick check-ins, such as “You like that?” or “Feel good?”, keep things short and sexy while also allowing for real-time feedback, says Prezant.
Or, if your lips are sealed (around your lover’s member), the person receiving the BJ can take the lead with simple cues that don’t require a full conversation, Phillips says. For example: “Just like that,” “Right there,” or questions that only need a nod to answer.
2. Start slowly.
Porn makes it look like the receiver starts fully hard, and the giver immediately goes full throatle. Real life doesn’t always unfold that way. “Porn is optimized for visual impact, not necessarily how pleasure naturally unfolds,” Lehmiller says. In real life, a blowjob may begin when the receiver isn’t fully hard, and the penis may not stay completely hard throughout, despite it being a pleasurable experience.
“Even if he’s hard at the commencement of fellatio, don’t assume it’s a full erection,” says Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT, sex therapist and author of So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex. “This means going slow and light and getting that blood moving into the genitals. Tap the penis with fingers, tease the glans with your tongue. Apply some light pinches up and down the shaft. You can even tickle and graze the shaft with your fingers/fingernails.”
Then, once your partner is fully erect, you can pick up the pace and start sucking with more force.
3. Use a combination of hands and mouth.
You may think you only use your mouth during a blowjob and your hand(s) during a handjob, but “a good blowjob is a collaboration between hands and mouth,” Kerner says. From a purely practical standpoint, you’ll tire yourself out if you try to pleasure the whole penis with your mouth alone. Using your hand can help control depth and protect your jaw, says Phillips.
Okay, so what do you actually do with your hand? Think of it as an extension of your mouth, Prezant says. As you suck on the head of the penis, wrap your hand around the shaft just below your lips. (FYI: If you’re wondering how tightly to hold the shaft, Prezant recommends “a firm handshake instead of a death grip.”) As your mouth moves down the shaft, your hand moves with it. As your mouth goes back up, your hand follows. They move together as one.
What makes this move so effective is that you’re creating a fuller, more enveloping sensation that covers more surface area than either a hand or mouth alone. You can also add a subtle twist of the wrist as your hand moves up and down the shaft for variety without overcomplicating things.
Of course, if you’ve mastered this move and want to multitask, you can also use one or both hands to play with the testicles and/or lightly stimulating the perineum.
4. The wetter, the better.
“When giving great head, there’s no such thing as too much spit,” says Atlanta-based sexual health educator Ashley Cobb. “Saliva serves as a natural lubricant and reduces painful friction.”
While there’s not much you can do to “optimize” this part of oral sex, you can’t go wrong with staying hydrated in advance and keeping a glass of water nearby, Phillips says. Plus, don’t be afraid to spit directly on the penis before and during as needed. (All together now: “Hawk tuah!”)
5. Use all the textures in your mouth.
From the roughness of your tongue to the ridgy roof of your mouth to the smooth insides of your cheeks, there are several different textures at your disposal, Cobb says, all of which can help create dynamic sensations.
As you’re mixing things up, maintain a constant rhythm. For example, do a few slow strokes with more lip pressure and gentle suction, then keep that same pace while shifting to flatter tongue strokes along the underside or circling the head.
One texture you generally want to avoid? Teeth. Lehmiller recommends opening your mouth wide enough to create a little buffer zone so your teeth don’t make contact with the penis. Then, focus on lips-and-tongue stimulation. Still struggling? Try wrapping your lips over your teeth, says Suzannah Weiss, AMFT, CSE, a sexologist, sex educator, and marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles. And if you struggle to maintain that technique after a few minutes, just take a quick break from having the penis fully in your mouth and switch to licking up and down the shaft or around the head, says Weiss. It keeps the pleasure going without risking an accidental scrape.
6. You don't need to suck the whole time.
Sure, a blowjob is synonymous with sucking, but you can also switch up sensations (and give your jaw a break) with a few licks. For example, start ewith your tongue at the base of the penis and drag it upward, stopping at the underside of the head (known as the frenulum), says Weiss. Then, flick your tongue up and down on this sensitive spot.
You can also change things up without changing pace. “Hold your tongue out and move your head and tongue in circles, licking every side of the head,” says Weiss. Think of it like mapping the whole area instead of staying so intensely focused on one spot.
7. Don’t forget the testicles and perineum.
People often focus only on the head and shaft during blowjobs, but there’s so much more to explore. “While going down, you can cup the balls,” Kerner says. Some men like light sucking on the testicles, too, but be gentle as pulling the testicles too far down or away from the body can be painful.
“You can also tap or apply pressure to the perineum,” he adds, referring to the area between the testicles and the anus. ICYDK, it’s a highly erogenous zone that, for many men, feels fantastic when stimulated.
8. Try different blowjob positions.
Porn would lead you to believe that the only way to give a blowjob is down on your knees while your partner stands in front of you. And while that can be a sexy way to play with power dynamics—not to mention, it puts your mouth directly at penis height—there are a ton of ways to go down on someone.
The Hump and Blow
For beginners, the simplest setup is also one of the most effective: “Have your partner lie down on their back and kneel or sit between their legs,” Weiss says, adding that you can position yourself on either side of their legs as well. These positions “allow you complete control” over pace, depth, and pressure—which is exactly what you want when you’re still figuring out what feels best for your partner (and what’s comfortable for you).
Side Car
The Prop Engine
The Elevator
You often see blowjobs depicted in this position, Weiss says. While that can be a turn-on, it also “requires a certain level of trust,” she explains, because it feels more submissive for the giver. That’s why she recommends talking about comfort and boundaries before trying the Elevator. “It may feel very vulnerable, for instance, if a partner touches your head during a blowjob as this can limit your motion,” Weiss says. If you’re okay with it, specify what kind of contact feels good—hair stroking or gentle guiding versus anything that feels pushy. Oh, and one last tip: Put a pillow or cushion under your knees.
The Compliment
Spiderman
The Face Sitter
More intense blowjob positions, like face-sitting, “gives you the least control” over speed and depth because the receiver is on top and can therefore thrust quickly and deeply into your mouth. If you try it, communicate in advance your comfort levels, and consider agreeing on a nonverbal “stop” signal (like tapping the receiver’s thigh) since speaking will likely be limited.
Teabag
Saddle Straddler
9. Don’t be afraid to suck hard.
Some guys like more suction because it resembles the stimulation they’re used to from masturbation, Phillips says. Considering you can grip a lot harder with your hands than with a pair of lips, you generally don’t need to worry about sucking “too hard.”
Rather than stressing about striking just the right balance of pleasurable pressure, pay attention to your partner’s whole body when you’re giving head, Prezant says. If you feel their hips moving toward you, notice changes in breathing, or hear sounds getting louder, that can signal it's time to increase suction, pressure, and pace. Where people get into trouble is locking into one intensity regardless of feedback, or being so in their head about doing it “right” that they stop noticing cues from their partner.
10. Edge your partner.
Edging (bringing someone close to climax, backing off, then building again) allows arousal to build over a longer period of time, Lehmiller says, which may result in a more intense orgasm. But this technique isn’t for everyone, so don’t spring it on your partner mid-BJ. “It’s best to first ask if edging is something they’d enjoy or think they would enjoy,” says Weiss.
From there, you can use a simple scale system to signal when the receiving partner is close, Weiss says. “Rate how turned on you are from 1 to 10, and tell me when you’re at an 8.”
In practice, edging during a blowjob can look like this: You’re licking and sucking with a steady rhythm, and when your partner says they’re close (or hits that “8”), you slow down and back off the intensity. You can pause by sucking or playing with their balls, take a break to kiss them, or even just breathe and make eye contact for a few seconds, Weiss says. Then, resume the oral action once they’ve dropped back down—Weiss suggests when they’re around a “6”—and build back up again.
11. Focus on the frenulum.
The frenulum is the V-shaped band of tissue on the underside of the penis where the head meets the shaft, and it’s one of the most sensitive parts of the penis, says Prezant. For a lot of men, focused tongue work on the frenulum alone can be enough to bring them to orgasm. Phillips even suggests starting a blowjob by gently flicking the frenulum with your tongue.
But if you decide to start there, tread carefully with your tongue since targeted stimulation of the frenulum can feel amazing for some people, Lehmiller says, but “too much” for others. So treat frenulum focus as an option, and adjust based on your partner’s response.
12. Incorporate prostate stimulation.
If your partner is open to it (consent matters, always!), prostate stimulation can intensify oral sex. ICYDK, the prostate is “the gland below the bladder that produces prostatic fluid, which is in semen,” says Weiss, and some men find it can “lead to intense pleasure and orgasms when stimulated through the anus.”
For first-timers, it’s best to start small. You can provide anal stimulation externally or internally with your finger, Weiss says, and if you’re concerned about personal hygiene, you can always wear a latex glove or put a condom around your finger. Just make sure to use plenty of lube, and circle and massage the anus externally first. Only begin to insert your finger if your partner gives the go-ahead (they should feel relaxed and ready for a bit more pressure). When you do, the best way to stimulate the prostate is to move your finger in a “come-hither” motion toward the front of their body, Weiss says.
Eventually, you can level up to prostate massagers, anal beads, butt plugs, or another anal-focus sex toy. However you choose to enhance your blowjob, just go slow, use lube, and allow your actions to be dictated by your partner’s comfort levels.
13. Try a sex toy.
It’s a common misconception that the mouth has to do all the work, Lehmiller says. (I know it’s called a blowjob, but come on.) Sex toys are an easy and fun way to add novelty and enhance pleasure. A vibrating cock ring during a blowjob can provide a sensation that your mouth simply can’t replicate, and a vibrator against the perineum can intensify the experience as well.
Plus, you don’t have to use the toys only on the receiving partner. If you want stimulation while you’re giving oral, an easy option is going hands-free with a wearable sex toy, Weiss says. For people with vulvas, she recommends the We-Vibe Moxie (a panty vibrator) or the We-Vibe Chorus (a wearable vibrator typically used during intercourse) for hands-free pleasure while performing oral.
Other folks might prefer other wearable toys, such as a butt plug or nipple clamps, Weiss adds.
14. Consider deepthroating.
Porn makes it seem like giving a good blowjob means you have to unhinge your jaw and take the whole penis like it’s nothing. But you should “never feel pressured to deepthroat,” Kerner says. Some people love the feeling, some are indifferent, and some find it overstimulating. Either way, it’s totally optional.
If you do want to try it, the easiest way to start is “opening your mouth wider,” Weiss says, as this can also widen your throat. Next, you’ll want to consciously relax your throat muscles and breathe deeply while the penis is in your mouth. Go slow since trying to fit more in than is comfortable can backfire, she adds, because stress makes you tense up.
And remember: You’re in control. Use your hand to manage depth, take breaks, and don’t try to muscle through discomfort. The goal isn’t to “get rid of” your gag reflex (because, well, you can’t, and it’s protective for a reason)—so you need to work with it instead.
15. Try humming.
There is nothing—and we do mean nothing—ho-hum about giving someone a “hummer.” Humming creates powerful vibrations that instantly level up your BJ, says Dr. Farhan Malik, MD, a double board-certified medical doctor specializing in men’s sexual health and male enhancement.
However, humming the whole time will likely be too intense for the receiver (not to mention, tiresome for you), so try doing it for about 5-10 seconds on and off as you slide their penis in and out of your mouth. (For extra credit, Malik recommends combining this tactic with deepthroating.) And don’t forget to experiment with different pitches as you hum, which will create different sensations.
16. Increase intensity as your partner reaches orgasm—and then don’t change a thing.
Kerner recommends providing more pressure at the base and more friction at the head as your partner gets close to climax. That might look like firmly gripping the base of the penis with your hand, bobbing your head up and down faster, or making a harder sucking motion to increase friction at the head, Weiss says. If your partner likes it, you can also work in stimulation elsewhere (playing with the balls or stroking the perineum), she adds, while keeping your mouth focused where it counts.
But word to the wise: When what you’re doing is clearly working, don’t get creative at the last second, says Prezant. If they’re about to orgasm, consistency is often what takes them over the edge.
17. Plan where you want your partner to ejaculate.
“Think about where you want him to come, whether it’s in your mouth, somewhere on your body, or into your hand,” Kerner says. If you don’t want them to ejaculate in your mouth, switch from a blowjob to a handjob while they finish. If you don’t like your partner ejaculating on your face, then don’t put your face right in front of their penis while they orgasm. If you genuinely have no preference where they ejaculate, then ask them as they get close, “Where do you want to cum?”
18. Keep stimulation through the orgasm, then taper off.
“Robust manual stimulation through orgasm will feel just fine,” Kerner says, but there’s a hypersensitivity window afterward. Many men may not want any kind of touch immediately after orgasm because the penis can be overstimulated, Phillips adds. So, if your partner tenses up or gently pushes you away, back off.
If your partner does like a softer landing, tapering can happen with your hand, your mouth, or a mix of both—it’s not dependent on swallowing. One simple approach is to finish the peak however you both want (mouth or hand), then ease stimulation: Soften suction, loosen your grip, and slow the rhythm as orgasm subsides, Prezant says. You can also shift sensation away from the penis’ super-sensitive head—moving your mouth lower to the shaft or switching to gentler hand strokes—so the intensity drops without cutting everything off abruptly.
19. Last but not least, enjoy it.
This is the part people roll their eyes at, but it matters. Men are hyper-attentive to whether oral sex feels like an obligation versus genuine interest, Prezant says. Both enthusiasm and attunement are valuable techniques when it comes to giving the best head. So if you’re present, responsive, and love what you do, a blowjob won’t feel like work.
Sean Abrams was the Senior Editor, Growth and Engagement at Men’s Health. He’s a former hip hop dancer who likes long walks on the beach and large glasses of tequila. You can find his previous work at Maxim, Elite Daily, and AskMen.
Rebecca Strong is a Boston-based freelance writer and podcast host covering health and wellness, relationships, lifestyle, and travel. In addition to writing for Men's Health, she has also contributed to Business Insider, Health.com, Healthline, AskMen, Bustle, Well+Good, Clean Plates, StyleCaster, and Eat This Not That, among other outlets. Her work has been shared and promoted by Drew Barrymore, Arianna Huffington, Esther Perel, and Good Morning America. You can tune into her podcast Well-Bent on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, or follow along on Twitter and Instagram via @wellbentpod.
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