The 20 Best Books for Your Sex Life, According to a Sex Therapist
I’ve seen some of these books completely transform people's sex lives.
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When it comes to sex, sexuality, and our sexual selves in general, we get very little (or no) education. This creates a need for us as adults to take our sexual education into our own hands. But where do you start? There are lots of options. You could attend workshops, watch *accurate* TikToks, read Instagram posts from good sources, work with a sex therapist...and of course, read some books!
As a sex therapist and educator, I often suggest that folks check out books to read and then come process and discuss them in session, or even in lieu of meeting. Some of the sex-related books I recommend are written as guides; some are story-based; some are highly research-based; and others are a combination of some or all of the above.
Helping thousands of people over the last decade has put a lot of incredible books in front of my eyeballs, and I’m thrilled to share some of my favorite books surrounding sex and sexuality. Here is a list of 20 books I recommend to improve your sex life. I’ve seen some of these books completely transform people's sex lives in a number of ways: everything ranging from more self-acceptance to more orgasms to a person understanding their own or their partner(s)’ libidos.
So, whether you are looking to heighten sexual pleasure in your existing relationship(s), find answers about your sexuality, explore other relationship designs, or simply gain more education surrounding sex, there's a book for you here.
The author of this book is one of the most epic sex researchers around. A must-read for folks of all genders, it's genuinely what it says it is: a "practical guide to the science of sex." It's filled with new research and tons of easy-to-understand brain science that will help you fill your sex with joy and confidence.
Written by a sex therapist who is also a medical doctor, this book is about enjoying sex and intimacy in committed long-term relationships. This isn't a "how-to" book, but rather a resource to help you understand sexual feelings and how they connect to the rest of you, as a whole human.
While originally published in 1992, this is still one of the best books out there surrounding men and sexuality. The author spent 20 years as a psychologist specializing in human sexuality and shares a lot of that expertise in this book.
Want to learn about masturbation? Look no further. Written by a renowned sex educator and feminist, this book helps vulva-owners take pleasure into their own hands. If you’re a penis-owner, you’ll learn a lot—and you can get it for a vulva owning partner. It's honest, helpful, liberating, and full of warmth and wit.
This book is a collection of true stories and interviews from a truly diverse group of humans. It helps readers to understand how sex, relationships, and personal growth go hand in hand.
For every person out there that thought they were supposed to just be “naturally good at sex,” this book aims (and delivers) to prove that great sexual partners are made, not born. A combination of science and experience, this book is aimed at men who want to please their vulva-owning partners more effectively and confidently.
Our world is allosexist. We assume that everyone wants sex and is basically obsessed with sexual attraction. This book explores how the ace perspective can teach us all about desire, identity, and what it's like to live in this world, not experience it. It's a must-read for everyone.
Did you grow up in a Christian household? This book is based on an in-depth survey of 22,000 Christian women, and explores how your background can impact your sex life and how to develop a sex life that still feels biblically based and is mutual, intimate, and passionate.
If you have ever experienced sexual difficulty or low libido (that's not your norm), this book is for you. The author, a psychologist and sex researcher, uses mindfulness techniques to help folks cultivate more exciting and fulfilling sexual experiences—and keep that libido up!
Written by a transgender activist, this book explores sex, desire, and dating with leading figures in the trans and non-binary community. It's funny, poignant, empowering, and shows that all trans folks deserve a happy, beautiful, and fulfilling sex life.
DIVA Magazine called Girl Sex 101 "the best sex guide in years." The book offers advice to women and folks who love women of all genders and identities. With 13 special guest sex educators, this book covers everything you need to know about lady sex.
Why is it that sexual frequency often goes down the longer we're with our partners? This book will explain it to you through the relationship between sexual desire and domesticity, and tell you what it takes to bring that lust back into your relationship.
This book looks at both personal and political problems that have been holding us back in our sex lives (the lies, misunderstandings, myths, etc.) and aims to change our collective perspective on sex. Recipient of the 2019 Society for Sex Therapy & Research Consumer Book Award and written by a psychology professor and human sexuality expert, it's a certified winner.
Written by a renowned sex therapist, this is the program he uses to help thousands of couples achieve more intimacy and enjoyment. How? By taking a magnifying glass to a recent sexual event. This unique book with scripts, case studies, and even homework is a must-read for anyone in a relationship who wants to talk about sex and do something about the things they want to shift. (Also, check out She Comes First, another amazing book from Dr. Kerner!)
This book is a communication guide for talking to your partner(s) and/or dates about threesomes, jealousy, kink, BDSM, and more. The author teaches readers how to identify their needs and feel empowered in communicating about them. It's a guide filled with exercises, tools, and personal examples.
In this guide for survivors of sexual abuse, the author helps readers heal from their past, improve their relationships and find joy in sex again. Written by a psychotherapist and certified sex therapist, it takes readers step-by-step through the recovery process.
Written by a post-nationalist writer, doula, activist, and Black feminist, this book explores how changing the world goes hand in hand with tapping into our deepest emotional and erotic desires.
Quadrille Publishing What a Time to Be Alone: The Slumflower's Guide to Why You Are Already Enough
Quadrille Publishing What a Time to Be Alone: The Slumflower's Guide to Why You Are Already Enough
When we talk about sex, so much of our focus is on couples and how to be the best sexual partner within the confines of a monogamous relationship. But what about being sexual as a single person? In this book, the author explores the importance of prioritizing self and platonic relationships in addition to our romantic and sexual ones.
You may have listened to the Savage Love podcast or read Dan Savage's sex advice column. This book is Savage's first published collection of essays: 26 of them to be exact. It's truly for anyone who's had sex, wants sex, or is having sex now!
This is a couple's guide to overcoming avoidance of sex, disappointment, and pressure surrounding sex. The author will help you learn why you're feeling stuck and what to do about it.
Psychotherapist Rachel Wright, MA, LMFT (she/her) is recognized as one of the freshest voices on modern relationships, mental health, and sex.
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