The 9 Best Sex Positions for Beginners, According to Experts
Plus, everything you need to know before your first time.
THERE’S A LOT that comes (ahem, cums?) with having sex for the first time. It can be a little nerve-wracking, sure, but it’s also exciting, fun, and the start of a brand new sexual chapter in your life. Whether it’s your first time ever or just your first time with someone new, you probably feel some pressure to do things “right.” Of course, you want your partner to have a good time, but good sex—for beginners, and frankly, everyone—is less about nailing the perfect position and more about figuring out what feels good together. The less pressure you put on yourself to perform, the more you’ll actually be able to enjoy the experience.
So, while being ready to do it for the first time might feel like a big deal (because it can be!), it doesn’t have to (and shouldn’t!) be scary. Truth is, sex can be really, really good for you. “It supports both mental and physical health, lowers stress, improves sleep and mood, and provides a stronger sense of connection,” says Joe Kort, PhD, LMSW, a sex therapist in Royal Oak, Michigan. Physical intimacy is also a meaningful way to bond with someone else, especially if they’re a trusted romantic partner. “It’s about feeling connected, wanted, and responsive to each other—a way couples communicate closeness without words,” says Kort.
Okay, tons of reasons to have sex (besides the obvious ones), but how do you actually, ya know, do it? To answer all your burning questions, we asked a panel of sex experts to share their best beginner-friendly advice and how to do their favorite beginner sex positions to help make your first time go smoothly. Pro tip: You don’t need gymnastics or pound-town thrusting. In fact, you’re better off doing the opposite. More on that, plus other helpful tips for first-time sex, below.
What You Should Know Before Having Sex for the First Time
Before we get to the nitty gritty, here are a few important beginner sex tips to keep in mind.
It matters what you do with your mouth.
No, not like that.
Porn tends to show all action, no communication. But good sex “requires real-time feedback,” says Kort. “Communication turns sex from performance into collaboration.” Sure, you can try to guess what your partner’s body wants—and paying attention to their non-verbal cues is super important—but if you don’t know your partner well, that can just add to the pressure. Quick check-ins, such as “Like that?” or “This good?”, is all you need to know you’re on the right track.
If you’re worried about taking away spontaneity, or that talking might ruin the moment, Kort suggests connecting before you head to bed. No need to act out an after-school special, but simply asking “What feels good for you?” can go a long way.
Go slower than you think you need to.
This may seem obvious, but you shouldn’t go straight from “Hey, you wanna…?” to jackhammering. When it comes to sex, slowing down increases arousal, reduces anxiety, and makes sex more mutual, Kort says. (All of which will benefit beginners!)
So, take your time and focus on foreplay. Few, if any, people will be ready to sexercise without a proper warmup. Translation: Don’t rush it. “Foreplay isn’t extra, it is the sex,” says Kort. Engage in kissing, sensual touch, mutual masturbation, oral sex, and whatever else feels good and gets you both ready for penetration, if that’s your intention.
Everyone’s body is different, but if you want a beginner-friendly blueprint: Think of sex as a “three-act play,” sex therapist Ian Kerner, PhD, LMFT, previously told Men’s Health.
- Act One: Focus on undressing and any above-the-waist action (making out, neck kissing/licking, stimulating your partner’s breasts, etc.).
- Act Two: It’s all about outercourse. Use your fingers on their sensitive spots, mutually masturbate, perform oral sex, or anything else that isn’t penetration but still feels amazing.
- Act Three: Now, you can begin with the transition into intercourse, or penetration itself. Which brings us to…
Penetration isn’t the whole story.
Only 1 in 5 people with vaginas can climax from vaginal penetration alone, so you'll want to lean into other pathways to pleasure, Kerner says. In fact, contrary to popular belief, penetration is not required to “have sex.” Outercourse is often considered the same as foreplay, but it is simply “sex without penetration,” says Kort. This includes oral sex, sensual touch, mutual masturbation, and other forms of non-penetrative body contact. While outercourse can be used in the leadup to intercourse, “it’s not a backup plan—it’s a complete and often better way to experience intimacy,” says Kort. “Expanding [sex] beyond penetration reduces pressure and usually increases pleasure.”
What that looks like: If you like kissing your partner’s neck and chest, do it. If your partner has a clitoris, stimulate it. If you’re both into oral sex, swap spit on your special bits (simultaneously or take turns). And if it’s your first time, whatever you do, enjoy yourself. Outercourse is a great way to experience sex without the pressure of penetration.
Focus on pleasure, not just orgasm.
Orgasm isn’t the end-all-be-all of sex, regardless of what you’ve seen on-screen. “When we go for a ‘performance’ model of sex, wherein we think we need to accomplish certain things in order to ‘do sex right,’ it really isn’t fun for anyone,” says Gigi Engle, sex and relationships psychotherapist and author of Kink Curious. Don’t get us wrong, orgasms feel great when they happen, but they’re not the only criteria for good sex (that just increases the pressure of it all). Instead, follow the pleasure and try to stay present instead of thinking ahead. Kort recommends shifting away from, “Am I doing this right?,” to “What am I feeling right now?”
“When you're worried about how you're doing, you're not able to be present—this is called spectatoring," says Kerner. "Be an active participant and focus your attention on your partner's body."
This goes hand-in-hand with slowing down. Try to enjoy every touch, and take your time exploring each part of your partner’s body to learn what feels good for them. You can also communicate what’s working for you, too, with simple, gentle instructions like, “Right there” or “A little more/less.”
Use lube!
"The more lube, the better," says Engle. This is especially true when it comes to anal sex (which, if you’re looking for a beginner-friendly guide specifically about anal, here it is), considering the anal opening does not self-lubricate the way the vagina does. Besides, even when someone with a vagina is aroused, natural lubrication isn’t always consistent because of stress, medications, hormones—lots of factors can contribute, says Kort. “Lube removes that variable. It reduces friction, increases comfort, and makes everything feel better for both partners.”
We love this organic water-based lube because it’s safe to use with both latex condoms and silicone sex toys.
The 9 Best Sex Positions for Beginners
Beginner doesn’t have to mean boring. There are plenty of simple sex positions that can leave both you and your partner satisfied for your first time and beyond. Here, sex experts share their nine favorite sex positions for beginners.
At Men’s Health, we aim to describe sexual experiences as inclusively as possible. While many of the positions on this list have traditionally been associated with penis-in-vagina sex, they can be adapted by couples of all genders and sexual orientations and identities. We encourage readers to modify any position to suit their bodies, preferences, and needs. To avoid making assumptions about gender or anatomy, we use non-gendered language throughout this article. The “giving partner” or “giver” refers to the partner doing the penetrating, whether with a penis, a strap-on, or even fingers. The “receiving partner” or “receiver” refers to the partner being penetrated vaginally or anally.
Missionary Position
How to: The receiving partner lies flat on their back. The giving partner lies on top and enters them.
Benefits: Missionary might get a bad rap for being basic, but it's one of the easiest positions for beginners to pull off successfully since you're both more or less lying down. And the experts agree: "Missionary is the best go-to sex position for anyone who is new to penetrative sex," Engle says. Being face-to-face allows for easy communication, which is crucial for ensuring that everyone is enjoying themselves. Plus, it's intimate!
Spooning Position
How to: Both partners lie on their sides, facing the same direction. The giving partner penetrates the receiving partner from behind.
Benefits: Spooning is another comfortable position to try for your first go-round, Kerner says. Since you’re both laying down on your sides, no one has to worry about holding themselves up or balancing; you can just focus on the pleasure.
This position is also incredibly intimate, as it allows you to hold (or be held by) your partner, Engle says. Not to mention, there's easy reach-around access for external stimulation.
Lotus Position
How to: The giving partner sits down with their legs crossed. The receiving partner then lowers themselves onto the giver’s lap, beginning penetration. Once you're both comfy, the receiving partner can wrap their legs behind the giving partner’s back. This position isn't as much about thrusting as it is about rocking and grinding into each other.
Benefits: If romance and intimacy are important to you as a beginner, then this is the sex position for you. It gets you up-close-and-personal with your partner, allowing you to make out, kiss each other's necks, or gaze into each other's eyes. It’s also easy on the body, since you're both sitting down.
And while there might not be a ton of thrusting involved, lotus is “a nice position to fully stimulate the clitoris,” Kerner says, “which is really the powerhouse of female pleasure.”
Facing Spoons Position
How to: Both partners lie on their sides, facing each other. The receiving partner can lift their leg over the giving partner to begin penetration.
Benefits: It's a "great position for eye contact and [it's] easy on the body, so it makes for good long, comfortable sex," Kerner says.
Cowgirl Position
How to: The giving partner lies on their back. The receiving partner straddles them with their knees and shins pressed into the bed, before guiding the giver’s penis (or strap-on) into them. The penetrating partner can then hold the "rider's" hands during Cowgirl if they feel like they need some extra support. And if the receiver needs a break, the giver can plant their heels and thrust upward into them while they stay still.
Benefits: If the receiving partner is worried about getting too deep too fast, the Cowgirl position provides the person on top "the most control over their pleasure," Kerner says. It also provides great access for clitoral stimulation, making it an ideal position to help a female partner orgasm.
The Mountain Climber
How to: The receiving partner lies on their back. The inserting partner lies on top, propped up on their hands (in a plank-like position), and enters them.
Benefits: This position may be a little “hard to maintain,” says Kerner. But, thanks to the angle, “it could be nice, after a period of thrusting, to move into this position and have direct clitoral stimulation.” It offers the same face-to-face intimacy as classic missionary, while giving both partners some “good visual stimulation,” he adds, which can be great for arousal.
Stand and Deliver
How to: In this Missionary variation, the giving partner stands at the edge of a bed or desk while the receiving partner lies back and raises their legs to their chest. The receiver’s knees are bent as if they're doing a "bicycling" exercise. The giver grabs their partner’s hips and enters them. (The receiver can also choose to put either zero, one, or both of their feet atop the giving partner’s shoulders.) The giver should thrust slowly, as the deep penetration may be painful for the receiver.
Benefits: You might need a tall bed or a countertop to make this one happen, but once you have that, the rest is easy. This is especially true if you want to push up against the clitoris and hold that position, says Kerner. “That’s something that’s not as easily done in missionary,” he explains. “This is a nice position for mutual satisfaction, which includes pressure and friction for both the penis and against the clitoris.”
Reverse Cowgirl
How to: Just like in regular Cowgirl, the giving partner lies flat on their back while the receiving partner straddles them on their knees. But instead of facing their partner, in the Reverse Cowgirl position, the receiving partner turns around and faces the giver’s feet.
Benefits: The angle here can provide excellent G-spot stimulation for the receiver, says Kerner. What’s the G-spot, you ask? It’s a highly-sensitive area on the upper wall of the vaginal canal that, when stimulated, provides heightened pleasure for the receiver. In other words, it’s your main target during penetration.
Over-The-Shoulder Position
How to: The receiving partner lies on their back and places one leg (or two) over the giving partner's shoulder(s). Once the receiver's legs are in place, the giver can enter them and start thrusting.
Benefits: Missionary is great, but there are ways to spice it up that are just as easy to pull off. The over-the-shoulder position provides a little more visual stimulation for the giving partner, who can thrust upward to stimulate the receiving partner’s G-spot. Either partner can also rub the receiver’s clit for added pleasure.
“This could also be a nice position to try if a guy sometimes has a hard time getting to the point of ejaculation,” says Kerner. Since the receiving partner’s legs are locked over the giving partner’s shoulders, it could create a bit more pressure around the giving partner’s penis, helping them achieve orgasm.
Veronica Lopez is a freelance writer, editor, and content strategist based in Jersey City, covering lifestyle, wellness, travel, pop culture, and relationships across the internet. She was previously the Love and Relationships Editor at Cosmopolitan and the Dating Editor at Elite Daily. She earned her BSc in Communications from the University of Miami, where she majored in Journalism with a concentration in magazines. Find her on Instagram @veee_low.
Cori Ritchey, C.S.C.S., is the fitness editor at Women's Health, as well as a certified strength and condition coach and group fitness instructor. She’s reported on topics regarding health, nutrition, mental health, fitness, sex, and relationships for several years. You can find more of her work in Men’s Health, HealthCentral, Livestrong, Self, and others.
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